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madame
hi there, this is me, the owner, CADEN YAP a.k.a the singapore no.1 bastard
birthday falls on 24th MARCH every year


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Friday, December 09, 2005 12:35 AM
wah. today damn bored. sigh. nothing to do. slept in the evening till nine plus. wanted to do my homework, but in the end, didn't do. SIAN arhs. stayed in my room for the whole day, now like oven arhs. damn hot. somemore, having the stupid headache, so went to drink coffee. sigh. now a bit better. don't know why this few days keep having headache. lols. nevermind, today going to sleep early bahs. think so nia. lols. each time thinking that i have to sleep again, i will think of my homework. wonder when is the day i can start to build up the momentum for my studying. and worst, the timing for my studying is kind of weird. its after 1am or 2am, then i will want to study, but in the end also didn't study de. sigh. just found out that i sigh a lot this few days. lols. think the only thing that can make me smile for a while is my **'s message. haha. thanks. you sometimes will send message that will make me smile de. don't know why also. lols. wonder if i did make you smile or not. lols. no worries la. i won't fall asleep de. because i'm used to waiting liao mahs. haha. jk. that time i know wait for you, in the end, i also fall asleep. that's the worst period of time. lols. later you going library right, must finish your homework wor, then no need to be troubled over it liao. and you can enjoy the rest of your holidays. wahaha.
P.S. someone else knows about this relationship liao. i accidentally said it out on a Sunday. sorry. don't angry k?

you win liao lo. after my trip, you really changed a lot. don't want to tell me things liao lo. you good. lidat bully me. still say you want go missing. sigh. really qian bian lehz. can you don't make me worry. though i said that i allow you to let go, and i think you did let go, but then, i still care for you like i used to be. sigh. i seriously do not know what you want arhs. can you please tell me. if not i will die soon arhs. is it true that you can always take it as nothing had happened? wells, i can only say, just be yourself. there's nothing wrong. we used to have things in common, but right now, because of what had happen, then we start to be different and you want to be different. why bother make your life so painful? being who you are is the freedom that you will enjoy most. because when you start to cover the things you do not like, you will realise that you have lots of weaknesses to hide and you will be dead tired.

piang. you very good lehz. make me jealous. argh. HATE YOU! the words you say sometimes really hurt me lehz. i do not know the reason. perhaps you are impacting in the world that is inside of me. sigh. guess you never realise that you hurt me so much. wonder how will you react if i were to tell you what i wanted to tell long time ago. this has been in my heart for months. though i said that i will give up, but it takes time and i'm trying to push the thoughts away so that i will not find it hard to give up. we have to let go of things that will not bring us to anywhere. even though this thing that we have to let go is something that will put a smile on your face. you will think that you will regret, but at the end of the day, you might realise that there are better things that are more worthy.

everytime i talk to joycelyn about you, i just find that i'm feeding the old man. somehow is true. i should not say so much about this kind of relationship. sigh. but then we always cannot escape the topic. lols. nevermind, i shall try my best to avoid this topic after the thing that we are currently discussing. lols. thanks for your help arhs. lols. though the things aren't confirm, but hope that it will good news. haha. somehow, looking forward to the results. very afraid that it will be bad news. then i will definately cry. seriously. sigh.

God, right now i pray for strength and concentration. i cannot afford to waste any more time. though i'm at home most of the days, but i do not want to treat this as a holiday. i have lots of things that i want to do and yet they are not done. i've wasted one month. i do not want to waste any more seconds. Lord, please give me the strength. once i come back to you, things will never be the same. i'm pressing myself into Your presence each day, because i know that other then you, no one else can really heal me in my heart. so many wounds caused by so many people. but i know that Your blood will wash them all away. because You are the bread that everyone is looking for. Thank You for all that You had done, for giving me this life.

those who hurt you badly, write it down and throw it away. but when someone do good to you, crave it in your heart and remember it. do not value the things in life, but who you have in life. '

later going to have my job. yippe. finally get my job back liao. but then ann wants me to rest at home. Hmph. cannot lidat force people don't go de. i no care oso arhs. i will be there waiting for you later. and while you are doing your stuff, i shall do my stuff also. so don't worry that i will be bored. and i need to thank you also. if i didn't go out, doubt i will do any revision. so i shall see you later. lols.